One of my photos...I am obsessed with dolls (its in a frame so hard tophotograph well)
Our bedroom..yep another of my photos
Our bathroom wall with my bunny creation
Some of my plush collection...Ginger baby from perfectchildrenZombie Doll from Schmancy
Itty Bitty Kitty by sereneonion
Boris by pureEva
Flapper doll by whileshenaps
Prototype for dolls I will make sooooon.
I am tagging Jessica, Ashley G., Meg, Jhoanna ,Cynic the Lamb and Zoe
I like to stay up late and that's when I am the most creative but I am a mother now so I have been trying to convert myself to an early riser. Something I have never been and it is soooo hard I can't believe how hard it is. My goal is to get up at 7am do my areobics with Cher and go about my day.
It's working because I am taking babysteps. I predict by March I will be a regualr early riser....but my true self will long for the late nights or I will be super tired all the time.
I feel that I am an empath...I take on other people's emotions and it is really hard for me to handle the negative energy I sometimes receive from others. It can be very difficult for me sometimes to determine if this negative energy is actually for me or if it has nothing at all to do with me. The negative energy confuses me and is also very difficult to understand. Sometimes people are very unhappy about their life or just about something that happened that day and sometimes people are just very sarcastic. When I saw 'Witches of Eastwick' I thought I was a witch and it made me so happy to finally understand why I was such a freak and didn't fit in. Weird I know but I'm serious. So as you might imagine parties are really hard for me. Sometimes they go smoothly and I actually have fun but even when I do I am exhausted from it all. I can really only handle one big party every once in awhile. Unless of course I know most of the people.
I am somewhat of a ditz. This often comes across as me not being very smart. So I have an awful habit of being defensive when I shouldn't be. I am actually a smart person but I don't always express myself correctly at the moment. I often let on that I know more than I actually do but in the end if I feel I am lost I admit it. I would rather look stupid and learn than miss the opportunity for knowledge. I guess I am a better writer than I am a speaker. I hate to be thought of as dingy but there are worse things than looking dumb. It hurts my feelings sometimes though and I get down on myself for it.
I absoulutely love photography and wish with all my heart and soul that someday I will have a job doing something with photography. When I take photos I escape into a part of me where nothing else exists in the world. I get lost in the moment and am completely absorbed in it. It is so enormously satisfying when a shoot goes right and what you imagined in your mind ends up in print. It actually blows me away ever time it happens. The finished photographs actually stun me. I become in complete disbelief that I actually took them. But....I hate to have to take photos because I know how. I don't like to be put on the spot at all and have to be prepared to photograph things involving people...like weddings, parties etc. Sometimes I leave my camera at home because the whole thing stresses me out.....
I am OCD. I always have lists running thru my head about way too many things. I live in a small space so I am always going thru each nook in cranny in my head trying to think of things to get rid of so I can be 'Minimal Dawn'. I love my 'stuff' but sometimes I wish I could just get rid of 80% of it and just have that much less to obsess about. When I leave the house I always have to go back in at least once to see if I left the back door unlocked or the burners on or a candle lit or something plugged in that should not be. It drives my family crazy but I have always been like this as long as I can remember.
I repressed a very large set of memories for 14 years which I think is very weird!
I was molested by my grandfather when I was 6 years old and did not realize it until I was almost 21. I spent a year living in NJ with one of my Aunts and Uncles and we were at their house on the shore with a whole lot of extended family. One night my Aunt Pam and I were sitting on a bench on the beach and she asked me if anything weird ever happened with me and my Grampa. She told me that he had molested both of her daughters and he was no longer welcome at their home and all of a sudden it was like a huge surge of water was released and all these memories flooded into my mind about what he had done to me. Awful details that involved all my senses and I felt a huge sense of relief and very sick at the same exact time. You see when you repress things they are actually still there in your mind but they take on their own forms. So all those years I thought I was a sick person for having the thoughts that I had. I had no idea that it was not my fault and that it was do to the trauma of what happened to me. That summer, I think it was the next day, my Grampa who was also at the shore house ( it was a 3 story house just gorgeous) had a stroke. I was never able to confront him. He was the only Grampa I ever had because my folks got divorced when I was 6 and our birth father did not continue to have a relationship with my brother or myself so I never got to know my other Grandparents.
I have never said all of this to perfect strangers and I have to say it feels incredible. I think I am working on being the best me I can be. Saying things out loud or writing them down makes them real and I am so glad that I had the chance to do it.
Shula's post was super eerie for me because I...go to bed late, acquire accents easily, see outlines of people that aren't there, have a tendency when alone to live completely in my own head and lose track of time, am an empath and am horrible with names. I didn't want to copy her so I picked a few other things as well.
Thanks Shula xo
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